Wireless Carriers Short Circuit Over FCC's Net Neutrality Stance

Outraged over the government's interest in "Net Neutrality" wireless carriers shouted in protest.

They issued their demands:

• We demand to continue overselling our bandwidth.
• We demand to have way more customers than can access our network at once.
• We demand to charge them all full price and hefty premiums for the privilege of thinking that.
• We demand to continue to waste untold sums on TV advertising and other advertising telling everyone how great we are and that there is competition in our industry!

"Look what happened to the banks when they loaned out so much more money than they had, and insured vastly larger assets than they ever had hopes to cover."

"We demand to be like failed civilizations who had (and have) so many more mouths to feed than food, so many more people to house than shelter available or resources to build shelters, so many more people to clothe than animal skins to provide them with…" the spokesman huffed and puffed and ran out of steam temporarily.

"We demand to have more customers than we can accommodate and charge them all huge amounts as though they could access the network at any time they please! It is totally Un-American to do otherwise! Do you hate capitalism? Are you a dirty commie?!"

"Everyone knows the U.S. is filthy rich, this is why we charge so much more money than every other country on the planet for the exact same products and services! We demand to bankrupt them!"

"We refuse to take responsibility for our actions and will continue a smoke-and-mirrors game blaming others for our faults! We demand to have more customers than we can accommodate and charge them all the most expensive prices possible! Our executives and shareholders — and handsomely-enriched Congressional lackeys — demand nothing less and they're the only ones who matter!"