The Devil issued a press-release today, in conjunction with the HTTC, HCC, and BM*.

"I am scorched to announce the shameful treatment of Michael Phelps and yanking money away from him, as an inspiration that money is everything, and to make people love money more than Truth.

"I have worked with the sugar cereal industry, the fast-food industry, and called many of my friends at the Mega-Corpses to get them to act hypocritically in public, thus increasing the amount of shame on Judgement Day.

"My state enforced Religion Against Marijuana (RAM) and other plants found in a natural state on God's green earth has been a raging success:

• Murders are up an astronomical amount.
• Corruption, hypocrisy, and conflict-of-interest have flourished as a result of my Religion Against Marijuana.
• More drugs than ever before are available to everyone.
• The government is loosing untold billions of dollars in taxes due to the black market.
• The government is spending untold billions trashing other societies, hunting down and imprisoning people. It's totally unsustainable. I LOVE IT!
• Innocent people are being scared out of their wits by raids from the death agents crashing in their doors.
• My children are even adulterating and poisoning these plants before they reach the end-user, so my evil will, will be done to the end-user as well. I am so glad my evil children are not repenting, I want them to be with me in the lake of fire for eternity with me.

* Notes on Abbreviations:
HTTC - Holier-Than-Thou Congregation
HCC - Hyper-Conservative Congregation
BM - Brainwashed Minion
Mega-Corprses - The real name for mega corporations, variation of mega corps.
RAM - Religion Against Marijuana, an unconstitutional state-imposed religion on citizens.