Mission: Be Useful. Be Creative. Empower Flavor. Create Thirst. Act Antiseptic. Healing Sting. Prevent Rot. Inspire Laughter. Grind away until called.

-- Modern Day Pamphleteer

Happy Anniversary India!

Dear India,

I was just alerted to the 58th Anniversary of your declaration of independence and adoption of your Constitution, by the White House Blog, courtesy of Barack Obama.

I have long been a fan of India. My parents introduced me to Indian food at an early age and the fun of raisins, peanuts, and coconut in my rice and lamb.

General Reason:

2008-08-26 Dream of "Rod" and "Ron." Was it Rod Blagojevich?

Back on 2008-08-26 I had a very strong dream. A number of them actually. I typed up part of one of them and published it 2008-09-01.

I remember much of it very well. In some dreams I "hear" names very clearly. The fragment of the dream I wrote about was such a dream. Not only did I hear at least one name very clearly, I woke up very angry at how I had been treated.

Antiques Roadshow, "At One Time Our Government was Efficient"

Watching TV one night during dinner I turned it to the Antiques Roadshow. (Yee Haw! I just visited the site to make sure I had their URL correct and noticed I could perform a search!)

General Reason:

Addressing US and World Problems, Dear Barack Obama...

Dear Barack Obama and Joe Biden,

Here is a link to some of my advice:

Addressing US and World Problems, Dear Barack Obama

I hope you have a nice inauguration.

Respectfully,
NewOldSalt

P.S.
(When the page opens, please click on the triangles to see more information.)

Outdated, or less capable, web browsers may see the whole outline at once.

Murder on the Bus! Killer on the Train! Serial Rapist on the Subway! Death to Public Transportation!

I just happened to see a promo for what looked like some sad (as in 3rd rate) movie from the 1980's. I can't recall the whole advertisement for the TV show (mainly because I was instantly irritated by it and started talking over it), but it seemed to be about a bus driver who was a murderer.

General Reason:

Dear Overly Hyper-Religious People,

Dear Overly Hyper-Religious People,

I just found your site on the Internet by accident.

Sometimes I count myself as a very religious person, sometimes not.

But recently I came across a web site that seemed to be put together by at least one Bible thumper. So most of this letter is directed towards that site, which I will not point to.

'Worship God' Introduction Updated

Today I updated the introduction to a collection of writings I titled, "Worship God."

I provided a bit more clarity for those who are interested in immediate answers, and at the risk of making it sound like it was an X-Step Program, I put numbers in front of the main ideas. Just trying to make it easier to read, as well as pointing out how simple it is! :-)

Please Pray for President-Elect Barack Obama and Vice President-Elect, Joe Biden

Dear People,

Please pray for President-Elect Barack Obama and Vice President-Elect, Joe Biden.

Thank you.

ps.

Madoff Made Off!!! Sinkin Sinking!!!

This sad, real, and ironic-sounding news just in!

Madoff made off!!!

Sinkin sinking!!!

Dear God,

Dear God,

Can you please fix our broken country?

General Reason:

Testament:

Our Automated Crushing Machine Will Visit You Soon, Do Not Reply - Responses to this Address are Ignored

Recently there was yet another news item of a billing error, actually I guess it may not have been an error. But a blind and elderly woman apparently underpaid a bill by one cent!

Your Bill is 1 Cent Overdue, Fine is $48 and a Lien on Your Home

Since she did not pay her entire bill she was fined $48 and threatened with a lien on her home.

To any reasonable person this is obviously a heavy handed measure.

General Reason:

Dear People

Dear People,

Please stop blaming God for things that are not God's fault.

Thank you.

General Reason:

Blessed Are You

Blessed are you when others insult you, treat you badly, and spread lies about you. The more inaccurate the lies the greater the blessing.

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven. For that is how they persecuted the prophets before you.

Blessed are you who have been persecuted for doing what is right, for yours is the Kingdom of Heaven.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.

(Yeshua/Jesus paraphrased from Matthew 5:9-12.)

Amen.

Testament:

Drug Companies and Investors Rejoice, Redux

2008-11-19 - Update - New estimates, shared with the AP from a study funded by a Danish pharmaceutical company, calculate the current cost of diabetes, combining direct and indirect costs, to be about $218 Billion!

US Auto Industry Doesn't Deserve a DIME!

The following is a passionate and opinionated letter I wrote to a Congressman of mine:

The auto industry doesn't deserve a dime! As far as I can tell they've been in cahoots with the oil industry, tire industry, and various crooked politicians to make life nearly impossible without owning a car! And worse, they've intentionally ruined many public transportation systems.

General Reason:

Did the religious leaders of Jesus' time consider him a Liberal or a Conservative?

Both
0% (0 votes)
Conservative
0% (0 votes)
Liberal
50% (1 vote)
Neither
50% (1 vote)
Not sure
0% (0 votes)
Independent
0% (0 votes)
Something else. Please leave a comment.
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 2

Testament:

General Reason:

Would Jesus call himself a Liberal or a Conservative?

Both
0% (0 votes)
Conservative
0% (0 votes)
Liberal
0% (0 votes)
Neither
0% (0 votes)
Not sure
100% (1 vote)
Independent
0% (0 votes)
Something else. Please leave a comment.
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 1

Testament:

General Reason:

Do you consider Jesus a Liberal or a Conservative?

Both
0% (0 votes)
Conservative
0% (0 votes)
Liberal
0% (0 votes)
Neither
0% (0 votes)
Not sure
0% (0 votes)
Independent
100% (1 vote)
Something else. Please leave a comment.
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 1

Testament:

General Reason:

Do you consider yourself a Liberal or a Conservative?

Both
0% (0 votes)
Conservative
0% (0 votes)
Liberal
0% (0 votes)
Neither
0% (0 votes)
Not sure
0% (0 votes)
Independent
100% (1 vote)
Something else. Please leave a comment.
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 1

General Reason:

Religious Leaders' Calls Revoke Legal Gifts

This fake news just in.

"Spreading the Wealth" Outlawed

In response to many religious leaders' decrying "spreading the wealth," the government declared that there should be no more spreading the wealth.

From this point forward, no one will be allowed to give money, or anything, to religious institutions. Religious institutions will only be able to gain money from earning it.

Corporate overlords rejoiced in the demise of another "thorn in their side, religious organizations."

Out of the Sea Inc., Out of the Earth Inc., and Mystery Inc. Announce the Firing of Their Last Non-Executive Employees

This fake news just in!

Excess Baggage Removal: Employees

Yesterday, the last 3 companies with non-executive employees announced it had fired them and removed them "as excess baggage dragging our stock price down, and hurting our earnings."

In a joint press release Out of the Sea Inc., Out of the Earth Inc., and Mystery Inc. announced, "We can now confidently say that everyone who is with our company is 100% happy. We no longer have any whining employees, disgruntled employees, or anyone else who works for us who complains.

General Reason:

HTTC and HCC Press Release: "We Will Fulfill Jesus' Prophecies"

The Holier Than Thou Congregation and Hyper Conservative Congregation today issued joint press release in which they claimed they were working to fulfill Jesus' prophecies in these important times. Specifically this election cycle.

"We have been hard at work for many years making sure we fulfill Jesus' prophecy that the prostitutes and other sinners get in to the Kingdom of Heaven before we do, see Matthew 21:31.

"We have traveled over land and sea, and in our own country, to convert people to be twice as much children of hell as we are, see Matthew 23:15.

Testament:

Book:

Men of Lawlessness

The Men of Lawlessness were quietly enthusiastic about their recent accomplishments.

Removed Regulations, Cursed Checks and Balances, Obfuscated Openness

"We've removed many of those pesky regulations, disabled those dumb checks and balances, and held secret meetings with the captains of industry. Drat! There are still some laws and regulations we haven't trashed yet, or human rights we didn't take away. But you know we're working hard taking requests."

General Reason:

Joe Biden's Very Close Call

Recently it was revealed that Joe Biden declared that within some period after the election, after the inauguration, unspecified foreign powers would test the newly elected US President.

I am paraphrasing since I am not knowledgeable of the full quote and don't want to look it up at this moment.

However, I feel the need to add my two cents.

Testament:

Meanwhile, Back Before the French Revolution... "Let Them Eat Cake!"

Exalted Overlord Number 2 ordered Exalted Overlord Number 3 to advise, "we need to strengthen our gates against the enemy. Their gates are newer than ours, their gates are thicker than ours; we need our gates to be the best in all the lands!

"Our gates need to be so good they are not just a defense, but an offense, something we can use to attack with and cause—or threaten—great destruction."

General Reason:

Skinheads for Obama!

Headlines grab your attention!

Ok, it's not really a furrowed brow. And I know that's a weak pun.

  • And I don't really hold any "skinhead" philosophies.
  • And I grew my hair back, so I look (more or less) normal now.
  • And I'm only one person, so it's more like "Former Baldy for Barack."

Devil Trademarks, Servicemarks, Patents, and Copyrights, Evil(R)(SM)(C)

This fake news just in!

The Devil was recently awarded quite a few honors in recognition of Evil®©(SM)(Patent Pending). The Devil, who also is known by some other names including Satan, Prince of Darkness, Prince of the World, Prince of the Underworld, the accuser, and some other names he has currently chosen not to secure protection on, was proud to announce his most recent victory.

General Reason:

The Emperor's Exclusivity Contract

And after the emperor had proudly displayed his new clothing of moonbeams, he made the craftsmen who fashioned it sign an exclusivity contract, so they could not make any more clothing of moonbeams for anyone but the emperor.

The emperor said to himself, "what a bunch of fools, now I'll have the only set of moonbeam clothing!"

General Reason:

Jesus "Palled Around With Theives, Prostitutes, Terrorists, and Other Sinners"

This ancient news just in!

Jesus Christ was highly criticized by his opponents for his past associations with anti-social scum of the earth.

Testament:

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