This fake news just in!
After learning every Alaskan receives a check for a sum of money, every year from the state government from a fund on the proceeds to the sale of oil (Wikipedia, State of Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend Division, Alaska Permanent Fund Corporation, Earth Rights Institute, Detroit News, Google Search), the rest of the United States of America said, "Why aren't we receiving a check too? Isn't Alaska part of the USA? It's only fair that we receive a share as well!" (2008-09-11 Numbers)
So legislation was passed, assuring that every US citizen would be the recipient of the financial gains from the sale of resources gained from within public land, any public land any where in the USA.
Enraged Alaskans responded, "This could seriously decrease the money every one of us gets each year.
"We are saddened by this clear power grab by the greedy citizens of the USA, our former brothers.
"We can no longer tolerate this outrage. We are officially seceding from the USA today, with retroactive effect back to whenever we declare, and we'll be sending you a bill to refund us our misappropriated income taxes for all those years."
Russian Response, Swift and Crushing
Showing support, the Russian Ambassador to Alaska affirmed it had moved battle ships, planes, and tanks to come to the aid of Alaska, "should the rest of the USA—which, as you know, is nowhere near Alaska—foolishly try to prevent Alaskans from gaining the freedom they deserve.
"Not only is Alaska closer to Russia than to those imperialists capitalist pigs, Alaska has been little more than an oppressed and malnourished colony. We join with our Alaskan comrades and will support them every way we can in their fight for freedom from oppression.
"I have been waving to Comrade Sister President Palin, in Alaska, for years. "
Said the ambassador's aide, "When you compare the beautiful name of Russia with glorious name of Alaska, you will hear that it has so much more in common than 'Massachusetts', or 'Washington', or 'Kentucky', or any of the other multitudinous occupied territories of the imperialist capitalist pigs."
The aide added, "Don't forget our conflict with our neighbor Georgia."
Obviously this puts Vice-Presidential hopeful, Governor Sarah Palin in an interesting situation, our embedded reporters will be following closely.
2008-11-04 Update - Campaigning for Office of the United States President was interrupted today by Election Day, the actual day to vote! This seems to have temporarily defused this potentially combustive international incident.
2008-12-18 Update - This journalist, now writing, believes President Elect Obama should and will attempt to reach out in friendship, versus adversarially to Russia.
